Everyone's my friend in New York City and everything looks beautiful when you're young and pretty.

"You have the personality of a bowl of potatoes...sit down."

First and foremost, sorry for the delay in the updates, New York Comic Con had me pretty booked all week and after that I had a complete apartment overhaul and ever try changing a refrigerator door without the proper tools?  Suffice to say I was busy.

Comic Con went well, very well, the titles that Clay and I work on sold out, to maintain an air of humility I'm going to say that that's because we were very prudent when it came to printing manageable numbers of comics. Clay made some excellent commissions and I attribute that to the excellent requests by the fans.  I mean, if you have an artist willing to draw quite literally anything for you, why only ask for a pic of you as a super hero when you can ask for a pic of an octopus fighting a unicorn?

Speaking of artists, the disgustingly talented Annie Wu and the equally impressive Miao Yun Kuang came to visit the table and it was great to see them both. Check out their sites, send them emails, buy their stuff.  They are a kind as they are talented and I consider a great honor to be considered their friend and..well, I'm not a visual artist, so I won't say "compatriot" but you get the idea.

That being said, despite my Strategic Communications education, I learn every time we go to one of these cons that I am no salesman.  I don't buy into the "I'm a writer, so I'm supposed to be eccentric" load of horse shit, but if I got along with people on the whole, I wouldn't have spent most of my high school career teaching myself how to write.  Unfortunately, as much as I love the people at the conventions, a lot of them aren't terribly comfortable just rolling up to a table and talking to creators...on the other side of that, I'm not comfortable convincing people to buy my stuff.  What conspires is a horrendously awkward Vaudevillian sketch that ends with me talking like a drug dealer, saying "relax, we're just talking" repeatedly. That's when Chris told me I had the personality of a bowl of potatoes...I don't know what that means, but he didn't high-five me afterward so I'm guessing it wasn't good.  Honestly, things would go a lot smoother if we were allowed to pass out shots. 

Lastly, A girl rolled up and wanted to know when we were going to make K into a comic.  I was elated to see someone reads it, I know that people don't really go to a webcomic site to read prose.  That being said, I worked hard on it and I apologize to anyone that was reading it before I stopped.  Good news is that I'm firing it up again, next update will be Monday, 11/07.


Finding the Right Dick

"You know why these kids have jobs?  Because they suck the right dick or bend over for the right dick."

Just one of the truth bombs dropped upon me by the balls-naked 56 year-old-man in the locker room of my local gym.  Well, it used to be my local gym until I moved.  Now it's my 20-minutes-on-the-2-train gym.  Like I didn't have a hard enough time finding motivation to get there.

Regardless, one of the interesting things about the crappy economy is that it allows strangers to get into conversations about how bad they have it with one another.  I don't pretend to be well traveled, so I don't know how it is in your hoods, but in New York City, people only speak to each other to ask for directions or money..sometimes sex,  but mostly money.

I forget what the context was but this dude and I start talking and while I'm speaking of my plight, (working a part time, freelancing, and scraping whatever I can from unemployment...impressed, ladies?) he strips down bare-assed and proceeds to simply hold the towel in his hand while talking to me.  Why wouldn't you wrap that around your waist, if for no other reason than to free up your hands?

Anyway, while looking up and to the left the whole time I did hear enough to understand the guy's situation. Three degrees, former writer for a local paper which tanked, and miffed about going on job interviews where kids old enough to be his "judge him."

And that's when he blew Confucius out of the water and told me that the reason people have jobs is because of their luck concerning fellatio and/or sodomy.  I see his point...I mean, I work (part time) at a place where nepotism and cronyism is so widely practiced and accepted that it's become a long-running joke.   One day one of my co-workers spun around in her chair and casually asked, "so who did you know to get this job?"  After I heard that I blacked out a little and came to with four people trying to pry my fingers from her neck.

I don't have that much pride..I don't mind people "judging me" in an interview, but I'm afraid I do have a rather over-active gag reflex.  So I'm thinking it'll be some time before I find the dick that's right for me.  In the meantime gotta keep working hard on the things and for the people that you care about.  Money's fun and it'll come eventually, but it's not all that important.  I like living in my studio, it's comfy and I only got one ass, which can only sit down in one room anyway.

We all do stuff we're not particularly proud of while we wait for the world to shine it's love down upon us.  Hell, check this out.  That's right, kiddos.  That's young Trent Reznor on keyboards for some new age horseshit on AM Cleveland.  The guy had to eat while writing Pretty Hate Machine so he took the job when it was offered.  Do I think he was taking dick working with Slam Bamboo (ironic name for a conversation about taking dick)?  No, he was working hard.  If it's good enough for 2 time Grammy and newly crowned Golden Globe winner Trent Reznor, you aren't above doing what you have to to get by.  PS..Reznor also worked as the janitor for the studio he used.

I saw an old interview with Leona Helmsley, for those of you who don't know her she was a raging twat that had enough money to buy the moon, prided herself on being a horrid employer, and went away for tax evasion, saying "only little people pay taxes."  Sure, maybe her dick never wanted for mouth or ass, but not one person on the planet stepped up to be her character witness during her trial.  When she told John Tesh that she had never been happy in a 1993 interview, I believed it.

Anyway, that's all I got for now.  Poems will be posted every Friday until I run out of them. Till next time, keep your head up and towel around your waist.

How hard can it be?

"So, where are my poems?"

I don't think I've heard that phrase since my godawful creative writing classes in college.  You know, those classes where everyone's a little genius and you're obligated to peer review their writing while they politely ignore everything you say because they're amazed you can manage walk upright and shit indoors...let alone have the audacity to imply that the garbage they scribbled down in a drunken haze at 4AM doesn't quite stack up to Dylan Thomas.  Ah, Dylan Thomas.  Now there was a mofo that could drink and write.

Anyway,Chris, my boss at Inkbot (I call him "my boss" to make it sound like I have a legit job as a writer, just play along) suggested I contribute a little extra to the site by starting a blog.  I don't know how great of an idea that is, without a story to keep my thoughts penned in, I tend to spiral into a bunch of random thoughts and run-on sentences.  That and I don't want to come right out the box ranting and raving like a crazy person.  Seeing as how the audience at Inkbot have only heard my voice through the characters of Revolvers, American Ambition, and "K," I may need to ease them in to my less err...fantastical writing.

 So I'm sitting on a few poems that I wrote back before I started doing prose full time, so I figured I'd share them with the Inkbot audience...or the five or so of you that sticks around to read text without the art to spice it up.

One of the lessons my favorite poet taught me was to never explain what your poems are about...figured that'd be a bitch when it comes to writing a blog entry so I'll just rant and rave about unrelated stuff before I post them.

PS- I know that I'm using a standardized template, in the interest of full disclosure, I confess I know jack-fuck-all about making things look nice...I have an artist for that.

The Contra Waltz

My mother lets out a sympathetic sigh
Because she thinks I’m homesick
“No” I tell her.
“I’m home, sick.” 
As in, I have a fever
In the apartment I consider my home.

Even though I’ll never afford to keep it
Because I don’t make enough money
because no one will give me a decent job
because of any number of excuses.
I mean reasons.

And I’m missing the work I can’t afford to miss
and I feel like gravity is working over time
and there’s something heavy
and angry behind my eyes
and I can’t get out of bed
and I wish I hadn’t picked up the phone.

I drop the phone and it talks
about how you never get my calls.
How we all talked about it
and we think you’re depressed

How your sister is worried.

If you’ve called the doctor yet.
No, the other doctor.

How you’d have more money
if you didn’t drink so much.

About why you haven’t called
the corporate recruiter back
for the hundredth time
if you left a message
if you’re sure.

About if you’re on the line.
Are you there?

I wonder
if my temperature gets
high enough,
will l explode inside out
like a popcorn kernel?
Much to the chagrin
of New York City’s
forensic pathologists
and one of its landlords.

I could be reborn
as a fat chick’s naval ring
for never going to church.

Her pitiable shoe heel will snap
she’ll land gut first on the sidewalk.
I’ll roll down a vent
and live on the subway tracks

until an earthquake splits the ground
and I fall somewhere deep
and hot.

I’d be melted down
into a schizo’s molar filling
that picks up satellite transmissions
and keep them a secret between he and I.
He’ll get tired of having to find
new jobs and
trying new medications.

A nine millimeter slug will burst
from under his chin,
dislodge me,
force me up through
his tinfoil hat,
his ceiling
to the heavens.

Where that satellite lives
in cold isolation
keeping people connected
as it practices a frozen waltz
in an infinite ballroom

Until it gets lonely
and collides with something
and breaks apart
and enjoys the warm friction of the atmosphere
and lands somewhere tropical
and quiet
and enjoys retirement by the sea.
And picks up waves of salsa music
and misses the rhythmic spin of orbit
and wishes it had legs to learn
the contra waltz.

And that’s why I never got your calls
and I’m doing just swell, all things considered.
And thanks for asking.


Brown lady with the gentle eyes

You're what I miss about this world
You are that which I thought I knew
Your curls make oceans of my hands
You're what escapes when nothing's true

Your soft expressions drive me mad
Your smile makes children of my heart
Your shadow fascinates the world
I need to know what's wrong with you


For a friend

Across from the puddle
Her lips weren't hers
She reached out to fall
She's muted with red

She snapped at uneasiness 
Her whispers made thorns
They cuts through her torso
They handcuffed her screams

But what of her opus
Would she die a smile
to know that her death
will piss off the pigeons

She mustn't face down
She's better with teeth
But not good with small talk
She's wrinkled with comfort

I want to believe
that she's good at laughing
But that means she's living
Her eyes disagree

These aren't my shoes (poem)

I'm coughing up blood.

Not much else to do.

These aren't my size.

I can't make them fit.

The world's on a string.

Its squeezes me whole. 

Its grip is so hard.

This used to be easy.

You lost my respect.

No reason to talk.

I don't like your walk.

You hear what you want.

I hate all this chatter.

I don't know your type.

Who are you my mother?

Its really a shame.

I'm wrongly accused.

You like to throw knives.

I've sold all my tears.

I needed them too.

I died for a thousand,

I came back for one.

I hated you more. 

I should have stayed dead.

I want to stay dead.

But you will not have it.

I take you for granted.

I'll try on the shoes.

Greetings from the future ;)

Hey Inkbots,

To say that it has been a long time since my last blog would be an understatement. So I'm just going to skip the formalities and say..."I'M BACK!"  

As of this post we have over seven different titles available for download, and most of them are FREE. So, if you'd like to take your favorite story on the road with you, or you'd just like to view our comics on a totally kick ass digital viewer, check it out:

If you happen to check us out by the end of September, DON'T BE ALARMED! The ridiculously awesome top of the line web site you are looking at is indeed We just got a much needed redesign ;)

Speaking of redesign, I hope you all had a chance to check out some of the new viewers we posted on titles such as Genesis, Revolvers, Womp, and Odessa. I also hope you checked out our art corner. We have lots of art available for your viewing pleasure.

In case my hiatus put you off from visiting the site (because I'm that awesome), don't fret. I'm here to give you an awesome overview of what you missed, and more importantly what you should check out ;)

Tales of Elfric and Veldran

If you're a fan of tales of wizards and assassins, and lets face it who isn't, then you're in luck. Our third online novel "Elfric and Veldran" has three excellent chapters up...AND they are all pretty much self contained. So feel free to start at whichever chapter you'd like. Its like Lord of the Rings meets Twilight Zone (pretty clever huh)!

American Ambition

For that last few months our hilarious superhero saga, American Ambition, has been posting single strip funnies on a weekly basis. Well brace yourself, because not only is American Ambition now posting multiple pages a week, but they are also full sized pages! So, if you're a fan of the former American Ambition monthly, Best of the West, but you also like the instant laughs brought to you by the weeklies, well now you have the best of both worlds. So go...CHECK IT OUT :)

Odessa: An ugly little war

In my last blog I was plugging the debut of Odessa #6. Well, now not only is issue 6 up, but so is issue 7. And if that's not enough for you, the finale of this arc, dubbed "An ugly little war," will be posting in just a few weeks. SO GET TO READING ALREADY! The new civil war is heating up, and you don't want to be caught with your pants down (I have no clue what I mean by that). 

Allen Shrugged:

Are you a fan of Anthony Bourdain? Or do you just like to travel? Well then you'll absolutely LOVE Allen Shrugged. In his newest arc he takes us through Europe while recounting all the hilarious details of his adventurous honeymoon.


If you've been following mallville, or you checked out our wicked annual, then you probably asked yourself "How would this dysfunctional cast of super powered teens function in a normal school?" Well, now's your chance to find out! In the newest mallville arc, dubbed MAD DOG'S EXODUS (by me anyway), Mad Dog finds himself thrown out of school and in search of a new one (trust me, it's hilarious).


His world was destroyed. His family was killed. And now, he comes face to face with the culprits. Check out Genesis....seriously! 

Well, that is all for now. But I promise to post another blog by Monday. And I promise to include a funny story in it as well.

Cheers ;P

INKBOT INVADES THE 2011 PHILLY CON ...and many other things :)

Hey Inkbots,

I want to thank you all for celebrating our one year anniversary with us. Our first annual, "Crisis on Infinite Inkbots" was a huge success. But, with great success comes great responsibility. Fortunately we wrote the book on being responsible...yeah, I don't know what that means either. Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that thanks to you guys we no longer have to draw our comics on anyone's garage door, because we've now staked our place in the sand and built a site worthy of the world's attention.  

In case you missed it!
Two weeks ago we posted the sixth issue of Odessa titled "An Ugly Little War." A week ago we posted the newest update to Revolvers. Next week we're debuting a new online novel called "A Killers Tale." And every week we post updates to American Ambition, mallville, Womp, Allen Shrugged, and Genesis :)

The Beauty of Accessibility 
These past few months we have been trying to come up with ways to make our titles more accessible. I mean sure sitting in front of a screen all day is fun, but  there has to be another way to read web comics right? Well, as of today I am proud to announce that all of our weeklies have been converted to HTML format, which means that they can now be viewed on all of your digital devices. However, if an HTML viewer is just not your thing, then don't fret. The majority of our titles are also available for download through Which means that not only can you view your favorite inkbot title on a viewer especially designed for digital reading, but you can also own it!

This weekend (June 17,18, and 19) we will be present at the 2011 Philly Con! And just to give a taste of what you can expect ....

No wait, don't be offended. Allow me to explain. If you recognize this strip, or you are oddly amused by it, then you will be happy to know that  the American Ambition team will be premiering their insanely funny new book "This is not porn!" That's right! This is not porn (I love typing it) is a collection of all of American Ambition's most memorable strips, including a few that have yet to be released (well....depending on when you read this). 

Of course there will be other titles available for purchase along with LOTS OF FREE STUFF! So, don't be shy. Stop by table 728 and say hello :)

Philly Con Location & Schedule
This year's Philly Con will be held at the Pennsylvania Convention Center on June 17,18, and 19. 
Below is a copy of our meet and greet schedule. 

Friday June 17th, 2011 (Table 728)
12- 5 pm:  Jan Velazquez & Christian Rubiano (Zomboy, Genesis, The Blue Bullet)

Saturday June 18th 2011 (Table 728)
10-1pm: Louie Chin & Christian Rubiano (Odessa, Womp)
1- 4 pm: Clay Graham & Gary Cohen (Revolvers, American Ambition, mallville)
4-7 pm:  Jan Velazquez & Brent Martone (Zomboy, Revolvers, American Ambition)  

Sunday June 18th 2011 (Table 728)
10-12pm: Louie Chin & Gary Cohen (Odessa, Womp, mallville)
12- 3pm: Brent Martone & Christian Rubiano (Revolvers, AA, Genesis, Odessa)
3-5pm: Clay Graham & Jan Velazquez (Revolvers, AA, Genesis, Zomboy)

We hope to see you there :)

K spotlight and a huge debut!

Hey Inkbots,

I hope you've been enjoying our month long celebration. So far we've debuted our new HTML viewer for both mallville and Womp. We have also debuted my new online novel "Outside My Window." 

Cheap plug: 

K spotlight:

I have a confession to make. I know very little about the steam punk genre. As a matter of fact, outside from our wonderful steam punk title Revolvers (which can be read through our main page) I have never read a steam punk title. Well, if there's one thing K has done, it has made me envious of all those who have had a chance to experience its fantastical Victorian world of frost-filled engines, guns, and machines. It has also lit a fire under my ass to find the title's creator Brent Martone an animator, because the thought of someone overlooking it simply because there are more words on the page than pictures makes me angry. AND YOU DON'T WANT TO SEE ME WHEN I'M ANGRY (I'm sorry I couldn't help myself). Still, I should mention that there is hope as the number of K's fans are continuing to grow. But, I for one am not content with such an amazing title simply playing second fiddle to the rest of our comics. No, I feel K deserves to be mentioned along with  our top titles. It also deserves to be recognized as exactly the type of experience we hope to deliver with our online novels. With that said, all this means nothing if I don't introduce you to the characters...well at least as how I see them :)

K: K is a boy genius who has invented some of most amazing mechanical feats of his time. He has the constant pressure of not only living up to his legendary reputation, but in surpassing it. K is also a "wanted" man, as the crown's police and/or military seeks his services whenever they are in a bind, which seems to be more often than he would like. 

Leftenant Sherman Rowle is a talented field alchemist, who is a member of the Coldstream Guards, which I assume is a portion of the military that involves alchemy. Rowle is also a well-mannered, well-intentioned officer, which ironically makes him extraordinary for the time. In the beginning of the story, Rowle's job is simply to escort K to London. But when he catches the attention of the celebrity prodigy, his life becomes a bit more complicated, and thus much more interesting :)


Huge Debut: 

The first part of Odessa: Issue Zero, titled "An Ugly Little War" posts on Wednesday May 25th. And as the title suggests, ITS GOING TO BE CRAZY!

Odessa: Issue Zero will detail all the events leading up to the first page of Odessa Issue one. So, if you have no clue what I'm talking about...GO LOOK AT IT! :) Issue zero will also shed some light into the origins of the Confederate Death Squad and the relationship between Sam and Ryan. It will also serve as a great bridge between issues 1-5 and issue 9, which should launch sometime in the fall.

Peace out!



Hey Inkbots,

Next week marks the beginning of the three week celebration of Inkbot's ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY, and as a token of our gratitude, we have lots of exciting things planned for you :)

On Monday, May 9th, we will post the next chapter of one of our most popular steam punk titles, K!

K is an amazing online novel written by the uber talented Brent Martone (one half of the team behind Revolvers and American Ambition)! 

Also on May 9th, we will premiere our new easy to use web comic viewer with one of the funniest weekly strips on the web, mallville!

"mallville" is a hilarious weekly strip about a high school filled with teenage superheroes. 

May 16th, 2011- WELCOME TO INSANITY!
On May 16th, 2011 we will debut our new online novel "Outside My Window!"

Outside My Window is a "dramedy" about a young man who works as a nurse in a psychiatric facility. The artwork for the book is done by the UK's own Mark Beer (Check out some of his Zelda/IGN work at this 
link: and it is written by yours truly :)

May 23rd, 2011- THE RETURN OF ODESSA!
On May 23rd we will debut the first issue of Odessa's new three issue mini arc "An Ugly Little War!"

An Ugly Little War details all the events that led to the killing of Samuel Cooke. It also sheds some light on the origins of the new 'Civil War" and the "Confederate Death Squad." Odessa is a historical fiction based on the premise "What if the Nazis won WWII, and what if Americans helped them do it?"

May 23rd also marks the official debut of the Inkbot Art Corner!

The Inkbot Art Corner will be a place where Inkbot artists can post finished or un-finished pieces to their online portfolio for your viewing pleasure :) 

On May 30th we cap off our three week celebration with the debut of our first Inkbot Annual called "CRISIS ON INFINITE INKBOTS!" The cover for this annual will be drawn by Revolvers own Clay Graham, but the book will feature artwork from all of your favorite Inkbot artists!

We hope you take part in the celebration by checking out all our weekly updates and posting your thoughts on all the comment sections.

Finally I'll leave you with this great piece done by Odessa's Louie Chin, in celebration of this joyous event!

This all wouldn't be possible with out you, our fans :)
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